Dear Andrea,
My Friend “mercy” is leaving Her husband Jw. She is a christian but she has tryed to kill herself because she is so miserable. she isnt Divorcing him, just wanting to move out with her daughter “shaylin” Jw has been lying to her about having a job, and hasnt been pulling his weight thru the whole marriage, i dont know what advice to give her, because i honestly think her getting her own place will help them, but im worried i dont want to tell her the wrong thing, she wants to come stay with me for a little bit, but then jw will blame me im afarid.
What advice would you give this woman??? they have alot of problems. And they have been in Christian Counsling but it isnt
working.
-Terrible at marital advice
Dear Terrible,
I understand how helpless it can feel to watch a friend’s marriage falling apart and it sounds like they have definitely gotten themselves in a bad situation. Yes, I said they have gotten themselves in this. The first thing both of your friends need to do is take responsiblity for their own failings. So often we want to focus on what our spouse did to hurt us, which only deepens the wounds and widens the chasm. Instead, we need to take an honest look at what we could be doing and where we have failed. Provided Mercy is a human being, I can guarantee she’s not been a perfect saint in all of this, no matter how much she insists otherwise (I can also almost guarantee she will!)
Provided your friend is not in physical danger, I do not recommend letting her come stay with you as you would most likely be making yourself a catalyst for divorce and you don’t want to help tear a shaky marriage apart further. If she does decide she needs a break, make it short and be doing something that would strengthen the marriage, ie, attending a christian retreat for women or a marriage conference, not tear it apart further. A separation is not likely to improve the situation and whether your friend likes it or not, she married JW for better for worse, for richer for poorer, until death do they part. If she does not keep her vow, she has not only failed her husband, but God.
If your friend has had thoughts of suicide, if she hasn’t already, she needs to see a doctor for a psyhiatric evaluation. She needs to get help for her own psychological issues before she can work things out with her husband.
Mercy and JW need to commit to making their marriage work, if nothing else, because of their vow before God. As the bible says, “unless the Lord builds the house, they who labor labor in vain,” and, “A chord of three strands is not easily broken.” The most likely root cause of this is not JW’s unwillingness to fill his proper role in the marriage, but because God is no longer the center of their home. Couples who pray together regularly have an extremely low divorce rate. The best thing they can do for their marriage is to pray together and for each other daily, out of love and a desire to see the other person become like Christ, not to mold them into the person we wish they were.
No matter how bleak the situation, God can work wonders when we fully submit it to Him. The best thing you can do is intercede for them in prayer.
In Christ,
Andrea