I was married three years ago to a christian man. He had built a new house five years prior with his mother. She didn’t live up to her end of the deal so he had her name removed from the house but still let her live there for free. She owned a house that she was renting. Well we met and deceided to get married thats when she started hating me. He told her she needed to move out and she could live in my house until her renters lease came up.
She came to my house and jumped on me for taking her easy street away from her. On our wedding day she pouted all day she left the wedding early. We go visit her she won’t speak to me. She talks smart to me when she does talk to me. I’ve had her over for dinner she runs my cooking down. She use to go to the same church as us ( but she got mad at the preacher he wouldn’t let her read a poem up front unless she would wear a dress) She would sit and want my husband to sit next to her then there wouldn’t be room for me she would want him to sit there with his arm around her because she was cold….
We have a little boy now she got mad when he was first born because she said I was feeding him to much…. She was over one day and wouldn’t feed him she said he had gas so I told her if she wasn’t going to feed him to give him to me and I would my husband took me in the other room and jumped on me and told me I don’t talk to his mother like that. But she can sit there and tell what a bad mother I am and that I don’t fool with him and he needs to stay with somebody that would. He will not say a would to her but I’m not allowed to say anything back to her or he jumps on me in front of her which she enjoys.
…She told him he had a choice to pick me or her and if he picked me he wasn’t her son no more he picked me. She hasn’t called here since but she sends me cards and signs them Marks mother underlines mother and she puts salvation tracks in them. She won’t have holiday meals anymore because she says her house is to small.
…My mother and I are very close and [my mother-in-law] is very jealous of that relationship. When we got married she told me she was my mother now and for me to quit having anything to do with my family. I haven’t all the other in laws have. She tells people all kinds of stories to make me look bad. All his siblings will not talk to him…
We are expecting another child. I would love to get this realtionship healed before it is born. Please help me. I’m awful worried I would love to have a good realtionship with her but I don’t know how. she is not a nice person.
Worried in ohio
I don’t think I need to tell you your mother-in-law is a control freak, to put it nicely. I’m starting to think there’s one of those in every family.
Now, they say there is two sides to every story, and unless you’re a saint in the catholic sense, or too cowed by her, at one point or another, you’ve returned fire. While the bible does say, “honor your mother,” it also says, in about four different places, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31) So, regardless of your contribution, your husband has been breaking a cardinal rule of marriage: Don’t let your parents bad-mouth your spouse. Instead of riding you all the time, he should be saying, “Mom, I love you, but don’t talk to my wife like that.” At least he figured out he should pick his wife over his mother on that one occassion, but that doesn’t excuse the rest of it.
As to what you could do to heal the relationship, you could go to her, take responsiblity for returning fire, and ask for her forgiveness. However, even if she granted it, without a heart-change, she’s just going to continue behavior that is destructive to your marriage and even has some classic signs of abuse. It might be in your family’s best interest to sever the ties with her (and first telling her why, a letter might work best) and pray, pray, pray for God to give her a new heart.
Love in Christ,
P.S. if you do feel your mother-in-law is emotionally abusive, I urge you to seek professional medical help, your pastor should be able to make a recommendation.