Christ's Glory, Not Mine

by science fiction author Andrea J. Graham

Vocation, Equal Yoking, and Redemption

I am engaged to be married I love my fiance with all my heart. My fiance recently revealed to me that she did some terrible things in her past, like having an affair with a married man and having an abortion. She still feels guilty about her past. I was taken a back by what she revealed to me, but that doesn’t make me love her any less. I on the other hand have been a committed Christian since a teenager and enjoyed working in the vineyard of the Lord. I always thought that God had a greater plan for me, that he wanted me to do something special. I prayed and asked our Lord to direct my life according to his purpose. It wasn’t long until I met and fell in love with my fiance.My question is this, could my fiance be my vocation in life, would it be possible that God could use me to bring closer to him just one soul?

Gomer’s Espoused

Dear Espoused,

He certainly could use you to bring a soul closer to Him. He uses all of us in that manner. But that is not one’s vocation in life.

The question you have to ask yourself is not, who was she? But, who is she now? Is she walking with the Lord today? Is she someone who can join you in your life vocation? A husband is the priest of his home and absolutely can minister to his spouse, but a wife is not a vocation; she is, ideally, a ministry partner.

To me, being equally yoked is not simply marrying a Christian, but marrying someone who matches you in spiritual maturity–and ideally in calling. The husband and wife were designed to labor together in the garden, with complementary roles and duties that kept with the design and nature of each. You, ideally should look for a wife who shares your faith, your convictions, and your passions, vocation wise (and career-wise unless she’s committed to keeping at home. One reason marriages fail today is the spouses are running off in opposite directions on this level. If your wife is going to work, biblically, it should be with you.) We usually unconsciously seek a spouse strong in our weak areas, though we often find the very traits that attracted later causing friction.

Now, having major regrets like this does not necessarily mean she’s not spiritually strong enough today to minister beside you in whatever God calls the TWO of you to. But it does mean she will be hindered if she’s still carrying around that bag of shame and guilt.

I would recommend you have her contact your local pro-life women’s clinic, which are listed under Abortion Alternatives in most phone books, or you can check online listings at Lifecall or Heartbeat International. Most pro-life pregnancy centers also offer post-abortion counseling/bible studies designed to lead women wounded by abortion to healing. Offer to go with her/make the call for her if she needs that support.

Assure her she will not be judged or treated harshly. The woman who greets her at the center very possibly, even probably, had been in her shoes once, and your fiancee’s own healing journey may well in time lead her into that minister’s shoes herself. The most ardent pro-life activists are often women just like your intended. One’s wounds often heal to become one’s vocation.

So if you feel like you’re seeing your vocation when you look in her eyes, your call isn’t to help her exclusively, but it could be to help women *like* her.

In Christ’s Redemption,
Andrea Graham