Hi, I am a senior in High School and I am going crazy and don’t know what to do. I am in love with a girl. She has said she likes me several times and I told her I like her, but its hard to tell her how much I love her, or how tears fill my eyes when I think about her or look at a picture of her. She recently went to a church camp where she realized she isn’t that big on dating while in high school. She met a guy there who she said was cool that goes to our school.
This is my problem. Every time I think of her liking other guys or not going out with me (which she isnt right now) I get depressed and get a stomach ache. After I graduate this year I will go to college, the same one where she will be 2 years after I start there. I’m afraid to ask her out for fear of going to fast or getting rejected but I cant go through life without being with someone who IS my life. I’m running in circles but if I keep doing so, it could have terrible effects on my emotions and life.What should I say to her? How would I cope with rejection from her? I could barely stand not seeing her for a week, what are the 2 years going to be like?–Seth
Seth, I understand how hard it can be to cope with such strong emotions. But if she’s expressed a desire to not date in high school, the best way to express love for her is to respect her conviction and support her in maintaining her desired level of sexual purity. Could either of you reasonably get married within the next 6-12 months? If not, getting romantic with anyone will likely lead to sorrow.
You might want to consider talking to your pastor, a counselor or another older guy you look up to (an older lady would do if good men are scarce where you are, but for this purposes you’ll want someone you can sit down with and talk with in person ideally). While common, I’m not convinced what you’re experiencing is entirely healthy, but I think you already know that. Emotionally, for you, she seems to have fallen into a hole we all have in our have in our hearts, but Seth, that’s a hole only Jesus Christ can successfully fill.
Art (music, drawing, poetry, whatever you’re most inclined to) is another outlet for coping with the spectrum of emotions overwhelming you, and can be a form of prayer (which I highly recommend naturally)
If this girl is your life . . . you need a new one (life, not girl) no female on this planet can shoulder that load. If you can fit another activity in, another place to focus besides on her would help as well. Most of us have a “things I’d like to do/learn/study someday” list of some kind. Why not take one or two off yours?
Communication is always helpful. Nothing wrong with an open honest discussion with the girl about this. Usually best to have such things out in the open. Just don’t put any pressure on her and prepare yourself to accept the response. If the fear of rejection is too strong to say it, put it in writing. If you’re a musician, you could put it all to music and give the song to her (In my second year of college, my husband Adam won me with an epic long poem where he poured out his feelings, including his fears of rejection and all that.) God would be a great audience as well, especially for laments. Do let her know also what I said about respecting her standards earlier if you can bring yourself to that place. Encouraging her to wait till she’s finished with high school for romance will have the added bonus that treating her with such respect will likely endear you to her even more and it’s not to your disadvantage here if she doesn’t date. But I’d deal with the dependency/heart issue within your self first.
Ever heard the cliche about how true love waits? It’s true. If she’s the right one for you, God will bring you together in His own good time. I realize how impossibly slow that sometimes feels. But if you can trust in that truth, it’ll make it much easier to let go emotionally when you’re releasing her (and yourself) into His hands, knowing if this good isn’t the good he has for you, he just has something even better in store.
As for going through life with someone who is your life–this girl is a turtle at best, and while turtles can look like good rocks, they’re actually quite lousy ones. If you don’t want a turtle deciding to get up and move and leave you behind in the dust, I’d suggest turning to the Rock of Ages. Whether the two of you are already acquainted or not, Jesus is the only solid foundation you can build your life on that will never be shaken or moved. If you’re focusing your life around anything or anyone else, that’s an unsure foundation and ill-equipped to get you through the storms of life.
On Christ the Solid Rock,
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