I am a college student and in a very serious relationship with a strong Christian guy. We have been courting for over two years and plan to get engaged within the month. Recently, one of my best guy friends admitted that he liked me. He went as far as to say that he hoped my boyfriend and I had broken up so he could pursue a relationship (he implied marriage) with me. I told him that I was dedicated to my boyfriend and that I was pretty sure he was the one God had for me. My friend understood (hopefully) and said he hoped my relationship with my boyfriend would work out. My question is, should I tell my boyfriend about this? (he will likely be very upset) or just let the situation resolve itself? –Mary*
Why do you not want to tell him? That’s what you need to ask yourself. Because you don’t want to hurt his friendship with this other guy, for instance? Or because he’ll be jealous and not want you to see this friend anymore and you’d like to continue to be friends with him?
Trust is an important foundation of relationships, anything that could threaten trust should not be held back. It is generally worse when such things come out by accident later than if one was forth right to begin with. Plus in a healthy marriage, you should feel free to tell each other anything, and now is the time to be laying the groundwork for that relationship.
One thing more: situations like this usually do not resolve themselves. Your friend is male. If his feelings are serious, he’s heart broken, feeling rejected, and probably went and built, smashed, or hit something to work it off, but to you he will smile and say, “Congratulations, I hope it works out.” And if he truly loves you, the better part of him means it as he wants you to be happy and not suffer through the pain of a break up–though as he’s admitted already, another selfish part will fight against this, but it’s the noble side of man that will have control of his mouth at this point.
But feelings don’t just go away because they’re inconvenient and ignoring them could be dangerous. Your friendship should be effected. And if you’re hoping to marry your boyfriend, shouldn’t he be part of your decision making process?
So lets turn the question around: Why wouldn’t you tell him?
In Christ’s Love,
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*not her real name