Christ's Glory, Not Mine

by science fiction author Andrea J. Graham

Wrong Reason, Right Reason

Why would a man tell you another woman tried to hit on him?–anonymous

A couple reasons come to mind why a husband might tell his wife this.

First, insecurity. If he’s not been feeling satisfied with the level of intimacy, it could be his way, consciously or unconsciously, of spurring his wife to show more affection, etc. Similarly, if he’s on some level unsure of your feelings for him, he could tell you something like this so he can gauge from your reaction if you still care about him and your relationship.

This one is manipulative and wrong-headed, of course. Better to discuss these things openly rather than spur each other with jealousy. But if insecurity is his motivation, the wise course is to reassure him. Words may not be enough if “words of affection” is not what speaks love to him. Depending on the man, touch, loving acts of service, spending more time together (paying attention to each other, not the television, movies, etc.), or for some, gifts, are all possibilities that may be more effective in soothing and reassuring him. Once his insecurity has been addressed, then see about discussing the way he expressed it.

Another reason, however, is accountability. In some close relationships, a husband’s (0r wife’s) first instinct when something like this happens is to tell their spouse, simply because they always tell each other everything, as part of the trust-bond. This is the right reason to tell your spouse: so you can tackle such problems with a unified front. Ideally, spouses are stronger working together than either of them are apart.

In Christ’s Unity,

Andrea Graham

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